Brave Parents Conversations #022: How do I get my daughter to speak for herself?

Kids who speak for themselves tend to do better at school, both socially and academically. Watch this video for a simple hack to encourage your daughter to speak up.

Transcript

So how do I get my daughter to speak for herself?
We went to the bookstore and the doctors who were are actually saying her name
and those sorts of things.
She goes “no, no” and does her silly baby voice.
Well, a big one here is to really practice this,
to practice that skill in the car
as you're going along so that they've got a script, they know what's coming
and they know what they're going to say.
So practice that. So that's really, really important to get them to actually verbalize it
and have them say it. And have them say it in a proper voice.
So if they go into that baby voice, don't accept that.
Tell them straight out that I don't wanna hear it in that voice.
I want your real voice, and it's really important that you speak like that.
Also, the other thing is to unpack the consequences of being cute.
Tell them that cute is, you know,
babies are cute, kittens are cute, puppies are cute,
people who lack power, who are passive,
who are kind of weak, are cute,
So by putting that voice on,
they are making themselves weak
and passive and rather than strong and not being the big girls that we expect them to be.
So you can practice that and really try that.
But the other thing is trying in situations where there is a pay off for them.
So one of thing we do with our daughters. This one works really well.
When they're at the restaurant or the cafe or whether it's something that I really want,
they have to ask for it. And if I don't,
then they don’t get it. And it’s very motivating.
Sugar is a great teacher!
So use it. Now the first time tey I do this,
they might kind of, utter something,
which is kind of vaguely resembles a request,
or they may not. But whatever comes out of their mouth, just try to
get something out of there mouth that is in their proper voice
and then keep practicing it and keep practicing it.
But that kind of motivation that they are only going to get if they ask
for it themselves is really important.
And you might not get it the the first time it,
they might not come out with anything that's really good. Thy might grunt something
and you might have to do a bit of translation with the wait staff.
That's okay. That's good.
Now, when they actually do do it properly, really praise them.
Say, I really like the way that you asked, that that you look the wait staff in the eyes and made it clear.
Really important.
And we have seen, a story from our school principal.
A school principal who told us that he always knows
when kids are going to be successful academically and it's not how,
you know, the report code they get get from their preschool or whatever.
It's how they perform in that initial interview.
And it doesn't really matter what they say, just if they answer some of the questions,
some of the very basic questions like,
What did you do on the weekend? If they can answer,
it might be one word answer,
but the fact that they answer And their parents allow them to answer.
Is the important point as well.
It's hugely important.
And he knows that those kids are going to be good at school.
They're going to be ready for school. He knows that.
And I see it at university,
We have open days. Kids come along.
They're eighteen, nineteen, twenty years old.
Sometimes they're with mum and dad, and you ask some questions about,
you know, what are you interested in? What career do you want?
And they're still deferring to mum and dad in many cases.
And this is really, really worrying.
You've got to this old and nobody has ever expected you to make it clear what you want to do.
So I see it. We see it in prep.
But we also see it even at university level where people are starting higher education.
So it's a lesson that the younger they learn this, that they get to speak up for themselves.
The more important. And really unpack for your child, as they get older, that you don't want to hear that cute voice
and you really want them to speak to themselves.