Brave Parents Conversations: My daughter didn't get invited to a friend's party

As a parent we feel our children's pain as if it's our own. We want to rush in and fix their problems and save them from pain. 

But disappointment is part of life. 

Instead of fixing our children's pain, we need to support them to learn that they are strong enough to endure it and life goes on.

If your daughter needs a little help with friendships or standing up for herself you might like our short course: Win at Friendship! No More Friendship Dramas.

Transcript

My daughter didn't get in to her friend's birthday party,
and she's devastated. She's been crying herself to sleep.
I'm tempted to call the other parents. The other girl’s parents.
But I'm not sure.
This is so hard because you feel your daughter's pain
and rejection even worse than if it is your own and
You really, really have the urge to do whatever you can to to minimize your daughter's distress,
but that will not help her in the long term.
In the long run, because the reality is we all miss out on things that we want from time to time.
You know, when you organize your own daughter's birthday party.
If you've only got places for six kids,
then the seventh kid just doesn't get to come,
you know, that's just how life works. So if your daughter does miss out,
rather than trying to fix it, encourage her to express how she's feeling,
express the disappointment, give her a hug,
and then do something with her that is fun and engaging.
So she knows that life moves on.
You know, it's not a place that she needs to get stuck in,
and it's also not a situation that is so bad that requires you to intervene.
Because if you intervene then that's what you're telling her,
“You can't endure this pain. I need to fix it for you.”
But, you know, a really important life lesson is that we endure our disappointment
and we get through it.
But that one's really hard.