The important conversation we’re often not having with our kids

One of the most important conversations we can have with our children—boys and girls—is about how to choose a healthy relationship.

But here’s the problem: most of our kids will spend more time studying sedimentary rocks than learning how to make what could be a life-or-death decision.

In this short video, I share how we can start these conversations early and in age-appropriate ways—long before our kids fall in love (when they’re most likely to ignore our advice!).

Thank you to Dr Billy Garvey for raising this important issue. 

Transcript

what do you reckon the lifetime risk
of one of our girls experiencing intimate partner violences
I don't wanna fuckin I don't wanna 30%
that was Doctor Billy Garvey
thanks Billy
one of the most important conversations we can
ever have with our children
is about relationship choice
but yet so rarely
do we deliberately and intentionally teach our children how to make
what is arguably
the most important decision they are ever going to make
our children will likely spend more time studying
sedimentary rock formations
than they will about how to make a choice
that will affect every aspect of their lives
now this is a critical decision for both boys and girls
but particularly girls because as Billy just said
it can be a life or death decision
it will affect our girls' physical safety
their emotional well being
their careers and their financial security
so when is the right time
to start talking to your children about relationship choices
early and often and you can do it in really age appropriate ways
so for example we used to have neighbours that fought a lot
they were regularly abusive to each other
and every time our girls heard them
we would say to our girls
that it is never okay for someone to speak to them like that ever
it doesn't matter what they did
it is never okay that is not love
that is abuse and we also tell them that it is never okay for them
to speak to someone else like that either
a friend told us that her husband was so loving and protective
that he wouldn't let her walk by herself at night
we later told our girls that that is not love
that is not romantic that is control
as an adult woman
she should be allowed to decide for herself where she goes
and when she goes her partner can have an opinion
but he doesn't get to decide
and if he tries to then that is a red flag
when we give our girls pocket money or birthday money
we tell them that that is their money
nobody else gets to decide what they do with their money
they have control
and if they ever have a partner who wants to control their finances
it is not romantic it is financial abuse
don't wait until your child is in love
to talk to them about relationships
because they're not gonna be listening to us at that point
we need to start early
and when we're still an influential voice in their life
and we need to make the most of the opportunities as they arrive