From Australia's Sweetheart to Finding Her Voice: Alison Brahe-Daddo

September 26, 2025

Guest: Alison Brahe Daddo - Model, Author, Menopause Advocate, Co-founder of Aviiana

What happens when the most beautiful woman in the room still feels like she's never enough?

In this powerful conversation, former supermodel and Australia's "It Girl" Alison Brahe Daddo reveals the truth behind the glamorous facade — how the modelling industry dissected her body as if she wasn't even in the room, why she felt the need to apologise to women for aging, and the moment her daughter's words changed everything.

Alison shares her journey from doormat to advocate, discusses the revolutionary act of asking "what do I need today?" and explains why she's grateful for menopause, despite — or perhaps because of— how it shattered and rebuilt her sense of self.

This is a conversation about beauty standards, invisible women, desire shame, and why speaking openly about aging and menopause is an act of service to our sisters.

In This Episode

[00:00] Introduction: Were you enough?

[05:12] Behind the beauty: Being dissected in the modelling industry

Why compliments were rare but criticism was constant
Being airbrushed in real-time
The vulnerability of having your physicality judged at 16

[12:45] The math of being "gross": Society's narrow window for women

63-66 years deemed unacceptable by beauty standards
The moment Alison became invisible while her daughter got wolf-whistled
Finding unexpected peace in invisibility

[19:30] Apologising for aging

Feeling shame when women recognised her: "I felt like I'd let them down"
The journey from appearance to how she feels in her body
Her daughter's wake-up call: "Mum, I hate when you talk to yourself like that"

[27:15] "What do I need today?" - A revolutionary question

Why Alison never asked herself this until age 48
The difference between self-care to serve others vs. self-care because you deserve it
Desire shame: Why good girls aren't allowed to want things

[36:40] Finding her voice through menopause

Writing "Queen Menopause" like no one would read it
From doormat to advocate
Why every woman speaking openly creates space for others

[45:20] The practical stuff: Navigating perimenopause and menopause

Finding a doctor who will take you seriously
HRT
The doom attacks Kasey didn't know were menopause

[54:15] Listener questions

Can we reprogram ourselves or should we build on who we are?
How to stop feeling like you're losing value as you age
Wrestling with guilt for choosing yourself

[01:02:30] Aviiana: Supporting women through menopause

Creating wellness resources for rural and remote women
The lifetime wellness program
Why weights are what will keep us out of nursing homes

Key Quotes

"When am I going to actually start speaking kindly to myself?"

"I felt like I had let all these women down because I'd aged."

"What does every woman have that starts with a V and can be used to get what she wants? Her voice."

"The good girl needs to happen to your own self, not to others."

"Good girls aren't allowed to have desires—we can't desire food, sex, money."

Resources Mentioned

Alison's book: Queen Menopause: https://www.allenandunwin.com/browse/book/Alison-Daddo-Queen-Menopause-9781760875398

Alison's wellness platform: Aviiana - https://aviiana.com.au

Alison's podcast: The Heart of It

Kasey's books:

Goodbye Good Girl, Hello Me: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/goodbye

Raising Girls Who Like Themselves: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/raisinggirls

Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/bringingupboys

Use code PODCAST for $10 off

Alison Brahe Daddo is a former model, author, menopause advocate, and co-founder of the women's wellness platform Aviiana. After decades as one of Australia's most recognisable faces, Alison found her true voice by speaking openly about perimenopause and menopause, helping thousands of women navigate this transformative life stage. She co-hosts The Heart of It podcast and hosts Foxtel's wellness show Gen Well.

If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review and share it with a woman who deserves to hear that she's enough — exactly as she is.

Episode Transcript

you were that girl were you enough
yeah no
I I never felt enough
I remember feeling this shame and this embarrassment
when women would come up to me and go oh
oh you're Alison Brahe
because I felt like I had let all these women down because I'd aged
I also remember this point in
through peri menopause where I just thought
my god when am I going to actually start speaking kindly to myself
like when am I going to stop being the harshest judge of how I look
welcome to the Goodbye Good Girl Club
the podcast I'm your host
Kasey Edwards author of Goodbye Good Girl
Hello me
if you've spent your life seeking approval from everyone
except yourself putting others needs before your own
and staying silent to keep the peace
this podcast is for you whether you're 35 or 65
the question remains when will you finally be enough
the answer is now you belong here let's begin
hello everybody
and welcome to the Goodbye Good Girl Club
I am just so excited to see you here
and I am coming to you from Melbourne
Australia where I am very fortunate to live on the beautiful
lands of the Bunurong and Wurundjeri Peoples of the Kulin Nation
I acknowledge the traditional custodians of these lands
and pay my respects to the elders
past and present and to any First Nations people who are joining us
one of the most damaging things about being a good girl
the good girl beliefs
is that we have to attend to everyone else's needs before our own
and as every woman knows
the list of everyone else's needs can be endless
so the fact that you are here
that you are prioritizing this one hour to come here
and fill your bucket and share space with other smart
funny supportive and inspiring women
and perhaps challenge some of the beliefs that are not contributing
to the life that you want to live
it is not just an act of self love
it is actually an act of rebellion
because women in our society
are rarely encouraged to do things wholly for themselves
I am Kasey Edwards
I am the international best selling author of 10 books
and I am most well known for the parenting books that I co authored
with my husband Doctor Christopher Scanlon
so we wrote
Raising Girls Who like Themselves
and Bringing Up Boys who like Themselves
and my most recent book
which inspired the club to is Goodbye Good Girl
hello me now
this is not just a book to me
it's actually what I hope to be a contribution to a movement
I feel like we have reached a moment in time
where women are starting to realize that they deserve more
and I hope that Goodbye Good Girl
will be a roadmap to reject those rules that benefited everyone
except us and also to write our own rules and one woman
who has done just that she has written her own rules
and inspired so many other women to write rules that work for them
is Alison Bray dead oh
I feel a bit giddy right now everyone because uh
most of you probably know that Alison was the
Australia's sweetheart and it girl in the 80s and nineties
and I have been fangirling Allison since I was 12 years old
and wishing that she was my BFF
so now even as a grown woman Alison
I'm still a massive fan of you and your work
um and I'm so pleased that you have joined us
Alison is a leading voice in peri menopause and menopause
she has written the wonderful best seller that I highly recommend
Queen Menopause
she is the co founder of the women's wellness platform Aviana
the co host of the acclaimed podcast the heart of it
and she is the host of Foxtel's wellness show Gen
well so Alison and I
we're gonna be chatting for about 30 minutes
that's okay with you Alison
yes and um
then at the end we will take your questions
thank you to the people who have already submitted their questions
you have been so vulnerable in your questions and um
I look forward to both Alison and me doing that vulnerability justice
when we get to those questions
um and then at the end
if you would like to stay
there is absolutely no obligation
but if you'd like to stay at the end
Allison and I will be talking about Aviana
her wellness platform let me get started
Allison with the very first question for you
and I would like to paint a picture
set a scene
it is 1998 and I am 12 years old
and I am sitting on my bed in Brisbane
suburban Brisbane and Cyndi Lauper is playing on my tape deck
and impulse body spray is in the air around me
and I am flicking through Dolly magazine and I see you on the cover
and I remember thinking to myself
if only I looked like her
if only I had Allison's face
Allison's body Allison's confidence
then I could like myself
then I would be enough so Alison
I'd really love to know you were that girl
were you enough hmm
wow well firstly
thank you Casey
for inviting me to this I know this is a series
you've got a series of women that are amazing
and to be your first guest on this
I just feel really really honoured to be here
and hi to everyone out there on
on the internet listening in
um yeah
no I
I never felt enough I
I was an incredibly insecure young girl
I was the youngest of three sisters
and the my middle sister was the pretty one
I was the weird looking one
I had the gap between my teeth
my eyes were too big and my hair was just a fuzz ball um
I was never told I was pretty or anything
so I went into the modelling industry thinking god
you know this is not gonna go too well
and then of course
I was like every other teenage girl looking at other models
you know the Christy Turlington's of the world going
if only I could look like that
if only I had a body like Al Mcferson
you know so I was comparing myself to everyone else as well
I find that extraordinary that
that the bar of being beautiful enough kept moving even for you
yes absolutely
the people around you
so the photographers and the other people in the industry did
did they make you feel like you were beautiful enough
well that's
that's the thing it's the funny thing about modelling
like yes you get
there's compliments at times
but more often than not
you are dissected and you're dissected physically
and that's the thing and you're often dissected physically
as if you are not even in the room
so I could be standing there
and there would be a team of people looking at this going
oh yeah she needs to
she needs to like turn
because her shoulders look really weird like that
and we need to sort of you know
later on we can um
airbrush this out um
and I remember actually at one point
um when it all went digital where you could do
you could get they'd be taking photographs of you
and it would come up on the computer at the same time
and they'd actually be airbrushing in real time
so it was just like it was
you were yeah
you were really dissected and you were
you were looked upon as um
you certainly weren't there for your brain
for what you your opinion
what you had to say you were just there to make the clothes look good
hopefully and if you didn't
you weren't that great you know
um so yeah
you were pushed around and shoved around often
and told to think hot in minus 2 degrees
and told to think cool when you were boiling hot and in a fur coat
or whatever so it was
and it was at a incredibly vulnerable age for me
as I said you know
I went into it an insecure kid um
but you know
at the age of 16 was far too young to have my
my physicality dissected the way it was cause it was so jelly anyway
you know
there was no solidity to how I felt about myself in a positive way
so to be that young and then go into that industry um
was not was
wasn't a great thing I didn't know it at the time
it was actually post that that I realized the effect of it
and that's not to say
I'm not entirely grateful for so much of my career
it was I was
you know I did have um
you know a modicum of success
of course and
and that was great and yes
a little bit yeah
every woman of our generation knows your name
you're incredible yeah
so you know there's
there's good parts to it too
but that it did yeah
it really it did a number on me at the same time
yeah and I think as someone who grew up insecure
thinking that there was a destination that I could reach
like when I was beautiful enough
I find it so extraordinary
that even the most beautiful woman in Australia
could not reach that destination
and just the problem is in the striving
the problem is in the belief that that's the answer to our insecurity
yeah yeah
exactly and there it
you know and I
I wonder even if I'm sure that even like the top of the top models
you know what I mean that the the
the the Chrissy Tyingtons and the Cindy
you know the Cindy
whatever her last name is
Nicole Richie Nicole Richie yeah
I mean I'm sure they're probably look
they were looking at other women as well and going ah
if only I could look like her or have more of this
because they were dissected as well
yeah well
because she I remember reading a quote from her saying
every woman hates herself from behind
and I remember thinking honey
if your behind is not good enough
what about mine you know yeah
yeah she was
I remember she was
she said she was told to remove this mole on her face
cause they said it was ugly
and she decided to keep it and it became her trademark
I mean there's just yeah
in an industry that is solely built on
on how you look I
I don't know if anyone reaches
feels like I am perfect I am
I look at me
this is I could not be prettier
you know I didn't
maybe they do I
you know good luck to them
but I think it's an industry rife with competition to be this
or be that and skinnier bigger
whatever it is yeah
it's it's a losing game for everyone
isn't it yeah
yeah so Allison
in my book Goodbye
Good Girl Hello me
I calculate
the number of years a woman is considered gross by society standards
so our bodies are unacceptable and unattractive
and so this is you know
we're gross when we have our periods
we're gross when we're pregnant and breastfeeding
and we're pretty much unattractive anytime after the age of 35
so in case any of you are wondering
how many years we are unacceptable by society's standards
depending on whether or not you have children
the number is between 63 and 66 years of our life
so that just leaves presuming we live
we are lucky enough to live to the average old age
a sweet spot of 19 to 25 years
where we even have a shot at being considered
not gross and not unattractive
like a shot at being beautiful
so
I'm interested to know
what happened to your identity and your self worth
after you aged out of those precious years
it's such an interesting thing
isn't it
I find growing old and growing and not that I consider myself that old
I'm 55 and I'm like
I still feel like there's a lot of years ahead of me
but I'm I'm well aware of the way culture views a woman my age
I'm very well aware of it
um and it
and I remember the moment of walking down the street with my uh
teenage daughter and and it was her that was
that was getting the looks from the men
I was just completely and utterly invisible
and it was the teenage daughter that was now like
getting the wolf whistles
and I was like oh wow
this is this is yeah
this is my I've become invisible in that way
for me I actually didn't
I actually was okay with that though
because in a lot of ways um
being visible and wolf whistled or seen in that way
became somewhat fraught with danger and fraught with anxiety for me
so there was sort of a peace in becoming slightly invisible
in a lot of ways and then as I've aged though
what's happened in my aging
I've stepped much more into
um having being able to have opinions and being able to talk more
and people asking my opinion
so it's it's been this weird thing where it's like I'm
I'm not sort of looked upon
I don't feel in any way of beauty
but I'm now being asked to come on here
and you're asking my opinion on something
so it's that's really exciting to me
so I feel like I'm getting the years of
of like of someone finding what my words are interesting as I've aged
and that's I take that to the bank every day
I I love that feeling
so it's it's
it's a it's a
it's a balance for me in a way
did you have to consciously redefine your identity
or redefine your value because you were valued for how you looked
right yeah
well I write this in my book and it's
it's sort of it sounds so strange
but when I came back
I lived in America for 25 years and I came back to Australia
and I was out of any kind of modelling industry at all
I was doing being a a
a doula and I was a preschool teacher
and I came back to Australia when I was around 46
bit the beginning of peri menopause
so I was like an absolute nut bar
but um
I remember feeling this shame and this embarrassment
when women would come up to me and go oh um
oh you're Allison Brie
because I felt like I had let all these women down because I'd aged
oh wow
yep and I was like
and it took me a long time to sort of get through that feeling of like
wanting to apologize to these women
I'm like yeah
I know I I was
and I yeah
I was cute when I was like 16
and I'm really sorry now because I'm like
I have you know
a big belly and I'm like much
you know I'm flabby and I
you know I've got lines on my face
and all of this stuff that went through my head of like
having to apologize for aging out of my dollie years
and no one gave a shit no one cared
it was all in my head no one was judging me
I don't think but no
and no one said anything to
to anything like that no one said oh
you know you
you you got older
it was just my thoughts and my head with it
so I I think the
the change that I I needed that I had to make was um
going into how I I felt um
in my body rather than how I looked
that was something that um
and I I was lucky
cause I had many years in America
where what I looked like didn't matter
and becoming preschool teacher was probably one of the best things
because those kids did not give a crap what I looked
like they just cared if they were cared for and loved
and read a good book and had a little puppet show every now and again
um so I was aware that I was already starting to grow that part of me
um and then being able to just talk about menopause
and writing that book and everything has yeah
that's kind of launched a side of me that's been um
I've been really grateful for because I just
I mean of course there's times that I look in the mirror and I go
alright but more often than not
I just feel grateful that um
kinda grateful that I am alive and that everything's working as well
cause I was I remember just
I also remember this point in
through peri menopause where I just thought
my God I just have been
when am I going to actually start speaking kindly to myself
like when am I going to stop being the harshest judge of how I look
and and I
and I one of my
my beautiful youngest daughter
cause I was saying something horrible to myself in front of the mirror
one day of ugh
I'm so fat and I can't fit in my jeans anymore or whatever
and she said mum
I hate it when you talk to yourself like that
and that was it I was like
oh I can't the
and that was my first step at going
I am never gonna say this
out loud yep
anymore so I stopped saying anything out loud
and that just started slowly
the path back to kind of not being mean to myself
I found and I was like
I'm gonna find one thing I like about myself and it was my feet
and I was like I'm gonna take that I'm gonna be like really
I'm gonna talk about how great my feet are to myself
and I'm just gonna love my feet to death
and then we'll go from there
so I love that
I love that idea of asking when am I going to talk kindly to myself
when am I going to be beautiful enough
when am when am I going to accept myself
cause I look back at say my Nana and and my mum who have waited
my Nana waited her whole life
you know she starved herself her whole life to get to that point
to get to that point in the future right
yeah and so the when never happened yeah
and I think it's so powerful for us all of us to ask ourselves like
let it be tonight let the win be right now yeah
because it actually it is a choice that that we have to make
and no one's gonna make it for us
like there's no destination we can meet reach
there's no external person who's gonna give it to us
it has to be us making that decision that the win is now yeah
absolutely
and I I started asking myself for the first time
and this was I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this
because I was everyone else first
as good girls do everyone else first me
like I wasn't even on the list
you know as far as priorities
but I remember the first time I started asking myself
and this is really literally been in the last seven years
is what do you need today
what do I need today and it was like
oh okay
actually kind of need to just
I don't know I just need to go read a book
actually just need to do this
I think I need to eat this
I need to maybe book a massage
oh my God
can I do that and that was something I had never ever
ever asked you know
you hear it all the time you have to put yourself first
you know this is how children learn and
and all that and I knew it
I knew it inside out it was like yep
I know it I never did it
yep I never did it until in the
just in the last yeah
seven years until I was in peri menopause
where I felt like it was either I give myself what I need
or I'm going down a black hole that is
might not be too pretty and I'm never coming out of sort of thing
I love that what do I need today
cause like you say even the message about putting yourself first
like when they say fit your own oxygen mask first
it's so you can help the person next to you right
when we do self care it's so we can survive
so we can care for everyone else right yeah
yeah so rarely do we do something because it is just what we need
yeah yeah
that's so true
I know we would that was not the way women
well not
not any woman that I know was trained just to be
it's like yeah
how to sacrifice you know
if you're a mother you sacrifice for the kids
if you're a wife you sacrifice for your husband
and I I lived that
I absolutely lived that
yeah and it's such a revolutionary act to say my needs
my dreams my desires
my hopes my fears
my opinions are just as valid as all the other people around me
so that doesn't mean that we're being narcissistic
it just means that we are elevating ourselves
to the same level as where we've put everyone else
our whole lives right
I know and it feels so foreign
like that's the crazy thing that it
it really has felt very foreign to me
exciting and I've loved it
but what a foreign concept
you know which is crazy that it took me that long to get there
and I heard a term the other day
you might know it Casey um
is desire shame where there's different kinds of shame
and there's one called desire shame
so you feel shame about things that you might desire in your life
and I just I
it just hit me like a ton of bricks
because the things that I've desired
I felt like I couldn't have as a female
was just that good girls aren't allowed to have desires no
we can't desire food hmm sex
we can't desire money yeah
and you know and next everybody on the Good Girl
Good Girl Good Guy by Good Girl Club um
Melissa Ambrosini is going to be on and we're gonna talk about money
because when we don't have money
we don't have independence and we cannot
it's really hard to live the life that you want right
but we are actively conditioned not to desire money
I know when you look at sort of the
the ratio of women in the workplace
women who are CEOs women who are running businesses
I mean you know
there's and then there's a whole other side of things
just women who have to leave work due to menopause as well
there's a huge loss in wages and superannuation for those women
you know there's we're up against it we're up against it
yep and if it's not gonna be us fighting for ourselves
no one else is right before we continue
I wanna tell you about something that might help you
on your own journey if today's conversation is resonating with you
you might want to check out my book
Goodbye Good Girl Hello me
it's my personal story
of recognizing and challenging the beliefs that kept me
seeking everyone else's approval
instead of trusting myself
think of it as a roadmap to the person you were always meant to be
and if you're a parent grandparent
carer or teacher
who wants to protect your children from inheriting
these damaging beliefs I've also written
Raising Girls Who Like Themselves
and Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves
both best sellers
that show you how to raise kids who value themselves
from the inside out
you can find all these books at Casey Edwards dot com
and if you use the code podcast at checkout
you'll get $10 off your order
absolutely everything
we hope and dream for ourselves and for our children in our lives
become easier when we like ourselves
now back to our conversation
I wanna um
move on to people pleasing now
cause I was really horrified and upset for you in your book
when I read about the awful
sexual harassment that you suffered as a model
and the pain of things that they were doing to your body
and it really struck me when you said that well
you you just
you didn't wanna make a fuss right
you're a good girl you smiled through it
but you didn't even know that you should be angry about it so
and one of my favourite lines in your book
and I'm gonna read it so everyone else can hear
it's a cracker what does every woman have that starts with a V
and can be used to get what she wants
yes her voice
so at the beginning of your career
you didn't use your voice
you felt like you couldn't right
but look at you now you have
you're a podcast host
you're an ambassador for so many wonderful causes and issues
you are a TV host
you are at one of Australia's leading voices in menopause
so tell us how did you find your voice
been a slow burn I did do um
I have done and did do a lot of therapy and um
understanding myself understanding the good girl
the nice girl came up a lot in therapy
the people pleaser I also call it the doormat
um hahaha
I sort of lived as a doormat for
I feel like for quite some time
and let people wipe their feet all over me
and I actually think it was probably what
what really skyrocketed it in
in a lot of ways was writing Queen Menopause and
and I hand on heart
I really thought about 14 people would buy that book
and like 10 of them would be family members
I thought no one is going to want to read a book about menopause
from an ex model like no one's
that's just ridiculous um
and that was three years ago already that that book came out
and it just um
I wrote it from the most rarest place that I could
I wrote it you know
you know dance like no one's watching
I was like write like no one's gonna read it
yup yup
I understand that yeah
so um
and I think it was due to that book really because um
the response to it was so beautiful
and there was so much healing in it for me
being able to have my voice and have my voice heard by other people
and then for it to connect in such a way that I had women coming up
saying thank you
and this really resonated with me
I'd I feel exactly the same way
and that was just this beautiful conversation between um
women and every time I would
could do another book talk or something
it would end up being like a big kind of women's group
and we'd all just talk about menopause
and it it just um
it just took me by the most delightful surprise at how that
the book took off and how that um
it it just
it really gave me a voice
so I I'm
you know and as I say
I'm I'm internally grateful for menopause
because it has changed my life hundred percent for the better
and I think I just started to learn too that um
I started to let go of like not caring what other people thought
I still deeply care about what people think
but like what you know
in a lot of ways like what the
the surrounding noise was like
don't let that affect you
where I used to sort of listen to that far too much
so yeah
I think that was the 16th person who bought your book hahaha
I have to say it was extremely profound for me to read it
I cried when I read it and because
I mean menopause is having a moment now right
it's over social media there's books about it
the government's talking about it
but when your book came out in 2022
it was one of the first time people were actually talking about it
that I had seen and I remember I was crying as I read it
because it was so validating to read about the shame of aging
that you already mentioned
which I was feeling the absolute disempowerment
of not being able to control what was happening to my body
and all these feelings the rage
and I remember thinking that if it was happening to Alison Brie
then it was it was okay that it was happening to me
oh yeah
and so thank you very much for starting that conversation
but I also I'm interested in what you say to women
who still feel like they need to go through this journey alone
who still feel like they shouldn't be
talking about menopause you know
they're still whispering to a friend or to no one at all
yeah yeah
I know and it
it's still got
we still haven't quite shaken off the shackles of shame and
and taboo and embarrassment about it
like it's something that
um it's something like we could stop somehow or another
um
and I think oh
my gosh like again
it's one of those things where
I just feel incredibly passionate about
embracing this time of your life
because we as women and as girls physically
we go through so much we go through our periods
we're forced not that we're forced
but you know
I remember vividly going to school with period cramps
because you just still had to go to school
you still had to go to school
even though you might have been doubled over and vomiting in the
in you know at
at um
tea time or in lunchtime you were still at school going through that
um you know
women that I know would still show up to work with endometriosis
uh you know
women that still showed up at work
eight and a half months pregnant with
with you know
feet that are huge and get back into the workforce because I have to
because I've got a mortgage to pay
like the amount that women put themselves through and go through
and are expected to go through
and I think when you get to menopause
I just want people to go enough
enough like enough
I have done I have
I have ridden this this body so far
and now it's my time to take care of who I am and embrace it
and be as kind as I possibly can to this body
because this body has gotten me this far
and to hide that or be embarrassed about that
or be ashamed of going through something that every single woman
Kim Kardashian Taylor Swift
everyone's doing it Margot Robbie
the most beautiful whoever is
is gonna go through it yeah
it's just it's enough
I just want women to be like yeah
it's here I'm
I'm going through it it may be a shit show
um I think it's important to own that
because we shouldn't have to hide that either
and then find a way to make it important
and means something for you as well
yeah I think what you did for me and what I'm trying to do as well
is that every time we speak openly about perimenopause
or menopause or aging
we are creating space for another woman to speak up
you have done so much research for your book and also for Aviana
your um
wellness platform
what is a really practical strategy that you recommend for women
going through perimenopause
or menopause yeah
I I mean
I think it's really learning about it and learning about the symptoms
I think that's incredibly important because it's
you might it's
it's such a sort of it's almost
can feel almost like this ethereal thing where I feel different
I don't feel sick but I don't feel like me
I have these headaches
and now I have ringing in my ears and my eyes are dry
what is like
what on earth is happening
and I think
they're down to about 65 different symptoms
that they can attribute to menopause
so it is um
I find writing those symptoms down and finding that doctor
and that might be harder than you think
yeah but talk to someone
talk to your girlfriends who are you seeing for menopause who
okay I don't know
does your girlfriend's girlfriend see someone
find that doctor that is going to spend longer than 5 minutes with you
um is not going to dismiss you
but is going to listen to what you are going through
and take you seriously and then hopefully
that doctor will take you through a series of blood tests
mammograms bowel testing
bone density so you know where you are at
and then you've got a bevy of things that you can do
a bevy of things and then it's time to get started
I feel like and just dive into looking after yourself
like you are the most precious thing on earth
because you are you know
and you've got lots of years ahead of you
lots of years and um
the statistics it's quite as like scary and astonishing
I was reading these statistics about women
how women in Australia on average are living to about 84
85 but their health starts to deteriorate in their early 60s
so those 20 years we're in not so great health
and the majority of nursing homes are women
and I think we need to change that
and we need to change that
I mean even earlier than peri menopause if possible
but if if
if you peri menopause
let that be the kickstart for your absolute wellness
place of doing your strength training
and you know
I mean I
I am a a
a big cheerleader of HRT if it works for you
I'm also a big cheerleader of going through it naturally
if that's your thing um
but they've proven over and over again that HRT has um
incredible benefits as well if you're right for it
so there's just
there's a lot that you can learn about
and there's a lot of things you can do
you're not just left swinging in the breeze next yeah
I just wanna pick up on a couple of comments from people
who said that their doctors laughed at them
told them that I weren't going through it
or that already been through it
and I just think that there is this idea in the medical profession
that we need to suffer a certain amount
before we are allowed treatment
or before our symptoms are taken seriously
and if you have a doctor like that
get another one right
absolutely we absolutely need doctors to take our symptoms seriously
and I am on HRT and look it's it's changed my life
it really has um and I talk about it a lot cause I was
I was talking to a woman the other day
who told me that she was anxious
and then I walked away and thought
oh my God how old is she
cause that was a symptom suddenly
I started having these doom attacks
and I had no idea that that was a menopause symptom
and then HRT has stopped them right
yeah so we need to talk about it and we need
we all deserve doctors who take us seriously absolutely
and I mean I think
and a lot of the doctors who do know about menopause
will often be the first ones to say
I had to go and find a course on menopause because it is
it's just not taught in yeah
I think people talk about
there was a day on hormones
or there was 15 minutes on women's hormones
and women's hormones are the biggest health crisis
often for women from the age of
you know 45 onwards
it affects everything
our estrogen receptors are all through our bodies our bone density
our heart health dementia
it's all run through hormones so if we're not balance
there's so much that can go wrong for us
and it's so easy to fix as well
so yeah
okay
one final question from me before we get on to the other questions
Alison if you could go back in time and talk to your 20 year old self
what would you whisper in her ear
I thought about this and it's like
I'd love to be able to tell her um
you know you're enough
um
you know remember
it's important to say no
and you don't have to explain why you're saying no
um I don't know if I would have listened at 20 at the same time
but I hope I would have enjoy life a little bit more
I think I was so concerned about other things and other people
and things far too outside of myself
and far too outside of my control
yeah choose the fun right
choose the phone why not
absolutely yeah yeah
just gonna bring up some questions
thank you again thank you so much for the people who sent them through
first one is from um
Florencia and she says can we still reprogram ourselves
or is it more meaningful to embrace who we are and build a new
upon that foundation
well I think it's almost the same thing in a way
like I think
you know the reprogramming is sort of building a new um
in a sense and I found that
I found that it's a you know
it's a day to day process of reminding myself that um
it's how I feel it's how I feel that matters it's
you know do I feel happy
do I feel strong okay
if I'm not feeling joy today
what do I need to do that will bring me joy
um
so I I think it's
you know you
we're always gonna probably be fighting the culture of how women
you know need to be seen want to be seen um
now I find it I think we were talking about this Casey too
this this rise in this beautiful feminine strength is also rising
this horrific women hate in
in men as well
and it's just to continue to be able to hold that sacred
and to continue to hold it sacred in ourselves
and just be strong enough to
to love ourselves
I think that's sort of the rebellion that we really all need right now
yeah I
I agree too like at our core
we all have what is valuable and worth keeping keeping right
the things that we need to think about are those beliefs that yeah
we have absorbed in our culture
and just my response to that about can we reprogram ourselves
if that wasn't possible we would not be here
good girl Casey would never have put herself out like this yeah
she would have feared failure
she would have waited for permission
and she would never have been so audacious
so you we can change these things
it's not easy but yeah
not changing can often be harder right
yeah
and I would have been trying to figure out what you wanted me to say
right ha ha
like what's gonna make Casey happy
how do I OK
no good girls here Allison
I know next one is from Jen and it's for you Allison
when you started noticing changes in your body or appearance
how did you stop yourself from feeling like you were losing value
I'm struggling with that right now
yeah that's such a good question
um well
firstly I didn't
I went completely down the rabbit hole of like
uh I feel gross
I feel ugly I feel worthless
um
and I think you know
powered by my mental health taking such a dive during peri menopause
you know was
it was pretty dark space for sure
a very dark space for me so I certainly went there
I went all the way there with hating who I was
and how I felt and what I saw in the mirror and
and felt like I didn't even recognize myself sometimes in the mirror
um but like I mentioned earlier
I it was just
it was it was just such a wake up call with my daughter
you know hearing me
you know disparage myself again and just that voice going god
when are you going to stop
you know because I'd been
I'd been judging myself since I was
you know a 16 year old
and here I was 30 years still judging the same body
and this was the body that had birth three children
you know my my most gifted most incredible things on this planet
my body had done that and I was still like going ugh
you too this and you too that and your flabby arms
it's like holy crap like
when am I ever gonna stop this and just start being nice to myself
that's when the good girl needs to happen is to your own self
not to others
and can I also say to Jen
thank you for your question
but I just bet that you have been through a lot in your life
and you have traveled through it with Grace and resilience
I bet that when everyone around you drops the ball
you are the one that picks it up
I bet someone calls you because they want your advice
that is value
that is far more valuable than having a body of a teenager
and I say that now but I had took me a long time to get to that point
and I still have to remind myself
because the culture is constantly pummelling us
about beauty and youth but I think we get to decide what's valuable
and I think the way that's
most women live their lives is inherently valuable
mmm yeah
too true um
one last question oh this is from Kelly
thank you Kelly
sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more for myself than
now that I'm older did you ever wrestle
with guilt for choosing yourself
after years of being what everyone else needed hahaha
yep
sure did sure did
I remember um
I went on a retreat to Bali two years ago
but on my own and I
the last time I had travelled by myself
I was 18
so I'd never gone away from my kids
I'd never travelled with girlfriend
I just hadn't done it and I
I started like literally feeling like I was having a panic attack
and I remember being on that plane thinking the plane's gonna crash
like this is just this is not right
like I don't know what I'm doing
you know should I go back
like I was
it was not something I was excited and like into or I made myself go
which sounds ridiculous but um
it really disturbed the good girl in such a huge way
and it took me a couple of days to settle down into the retreat um
and I had some real moments of just crying
and feeling like I shouldn't be there still and
but by the end I finally got there and I went wow
this was amazing
and I just think what a gift to sort of
I gave to myself by getting to experience that roller coaster
and how embedded the idea of
of having a desire and gifting myself something that was just mine
it was not benefitting anyone else but me this trip
so yeah I get I get that challenge
so there you go Kelly uh
push through the discomfort of all that guilt
conditioning and there's cocktails on the other side
is that right yes
hahaha
and a good massage yeah excellent
there's only a few minutes left
and what I'd like to do now
is just ask Alison to tell us a little bit about Aviana
which is her wellness platform for women in perimenopause
and menopause
oh thank you
yeah so this
we just started this um
a year ago me and my co founder Mary
um Mary's amazing
and Mary went through a very similar
challenging time with her menopause as well
um ended up on anti uh depressants
of course doctor was like
I don't know what's wrong with you
I just think you're really sad
you know so here's some antidepressants
and she pulled herself out of it as well
started strength training
became um uh
a crossfitter and started uh
teaching women uh
our age how to be strong and so we just met at an event
and we kind of fell in love with each other
and we were like on a mission to sort of um
bring as much support to women at scale as we could
I think there was a comment that came down
there earlier about rural areas
and menopause and that was the one thing that I said to Mary
I'm like I'd
I'd been out to Wagga and orange and different um
rural areas and those women have just got no help
there is nothing happening for those women at all
and they were coming up to me going
what do I do
I'm in I'm in the depths of it and we have a nurse that comes in
you know twice a month like I was just going
how can I help so we created this um
Aviana which means strong
powerful woman in Sanskrit and it's got a program
it's got a a program that you can buy
it's like $149 but it's for life and in that you get a full strength
um six weeks of strength training
you get nutrition uh recipes
you get breath work
cause it's important to know how to deal with stress um
we've got blogs galore we've got our beautiful doctor uh
Doctor Gab Stannaforth who writes for us and she looks over everything
so she's a an amazing peri menopausal doctor
we're about to add a telehealth
so women in those rural areas will have telehealth
access to proper doctors that know about menopause
um so yeah
we've tried to just throw as much information and care
we're doing events and all sorts of stuff
so um we've got a really big Facebook group of about 14,000 women
from all over the world that are on there
just talking to each other about menopause um
which I think is really important cause it can be so lonely
jump into the wellness program whenever you want like start it
stop it start in another year whatever you need
it's always there for you and the weights too
weights are where it's at isn't it
that the weights is what's gonna keep us out of the nursing home
so correct
we don't wanna fall we don't wanna break a hip we wanna keep going
so I just wanna um quickly tell you about goodbye good girl
so it's a memoir it is my story um
but it is really a universal story of of women who
who are challenging the good girl beliefs that we grew up with
and it's like a fish swimming in water
you don't even know that you've grown up with those beliefs
you don't see it and the way that I saw it was
when I researched raising girls who like themselves
I was looking at it from a different perspective
I was looking at it as a parent and as a researcher
what and what it
I realized was that so much of raising a girl who likes themselves
is to protect her from the good girl beliefs that we learnt
so it's really to short circuit it
so she doesn't have to wait until she's approaching fifty to work out
that
she doesn't have to defer to other people constantly for approval
doesn't have to be beautiful
doesn't have to measure her worth by external sources
and so once I realized what all of those good girl beliefs
were I was able to challenge them within myself
I read the book it's amazing
it's so thank you Alison
it's so fantastic I mean
I was just nodding along the entire time going yes
relate relate relate
yeah Alison
thank you so much it's so generous of you to give us your time
and so we can all learn from your experience
in the way that you are living a more enriched
authentic life because of the choices that you have made
yeah well again
thank you Casey
I just I've loved this chat so much
it was so
so fascinating to talk about and just sort of pull this topic apart
because it's yeah
it's a big one and I think it's so relatable to so many women
thanks Allison
thanks everyone
thank you for joining the Goodbye Good Girl Club today
if this episode resonated with you
I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review
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women who just like you
deserve so much more than they've been settling for
and please share this podcast with the women in your life
who need to hear these conversations
send it to your sister your mum
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anyone who's been putting everyone else first for far too long
if you want a roadmap to saying goodbye to your own good girl
you can grab a copy of my book
Goodbye Good Girl hello me at Casey Edwards dot com
use the code podcast for $10 off this book or my parenting books
raising girls who like themselves
and bringing up boys who like themselves
until next time you don't need to earn your worth
you just have to remember it
this is the goodbye good girl club
I'm Casey Edwards thank you for being here

From Australia's Sweetheart to Finding Her Voice: Alison Brahe-Daddo

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