Rewriting the Rules on Worth and Money with Melissa Ambrosini

October 03, 2025

"I'm only good enough if I'm better than her."

This toxic belief keeps us trapped in an endless cycle of comparison—comparing our bodies, our careers, our relationships, our entire lives to other women. And no matter how successful we become, we never feel like we're enough.

In this conversation, mindset master Melissa Ambrosini reveals why comparison feels so gross (and what that feeling is trying to tell us), how she teaches her daughter not to compare herself to others, and why that belief about money—that it's greedy, unladylike, or unspiritual—won't pay your rent.

Melissa also shares the surprisingly simple way to tell the difference between your intuition and your inner mean girl, why she's never felt guilty about prioritising herself, and the one phrase that changed everything: "I am worthy."

This is a conversation about comparison, money, worthiness, and why deciding you're enough is the most rebellious thing you can do.

Key Quotes

"What you see in them, you already have within you. Maybe you just haven't fully activated it."

"I look at relationships as two whole people coming together to share their wholeness. Not 'I'm empty, you're empty, let's fill each other's voids.'"

"Your inner mean girl is loud: 'You're not good enough.' Your intuition whispers. It lives in your gut."

Resources Mentioned

Melissa's books:

Comparisonitis
Mastering Your Mean Girl
Time Magic

Melissa's podcast: The Melissa Ambrosini Show (28+ million downloads)

Kasey's books:

Goodbye Good Girl, Hello Me: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/goodbye

Raising Girls Who Like Themselves: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/raisinggirls

Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves: https://www.raisinggirlswholikethemselves.com/bringingupboys

Use code PODCAST for $10 off

Melissa Ambrosini is a mindset master, the host of the top-rating podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show (with over 28 million downloads), and the author of four life-changing books including Comparisonitis, Mastering Your Mean Girl, and Time Magic. She has built a powerful online presence that inspires millions of women worldwide to create lives and businesses they truly love. Melissa teaches women how to quiet their inner mean girl, trust their intuition, and build the confidence to pursue their dreams.

Episode Transcript

and that belief isn't gonna pay your mortgage or your rent
that belief is not gonna buy your food
that belief is not going to put petrol in your car
welcome to the Goodbye Good Girl Club
the podcast I'm your host
Kasey Edwards author of Goodbye Good Girl
Hello me
if you've spent your life seeking approval from everyone
except yourself putting others needs before your own
and staying silent to keep the peace
this podcast is for you whether you're 35 or 65
the question remains when will you finally be enough
the answer is now you belong here let's begin
welcome everybody to our second Goodbye Good Girl Club
I am so excited to have you here
um and today we are talking to the amazing Melissa Ambrosini
I am coming to you from Melbourne
Australia where I am so fortunate to live on the beautiful
lands of the Bunurong and the Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation
and I acknowledge the traditional custodians of these lands
and pay my respects to elders
past and present and to any First Nations people joining us today
thank you for giving yourself this hour
for giving each other this hour
and for giving Melissa and me your time to fill our buckets
and just share space with other smart
funny supportive and inspiring women
and perhaps challenge some of the beliefs that aren't working for us
at the moment joining this club isn't just an act of self love
it's actually act of rebellion
because women in our society
are rarely encouraged to do something holy for themselves
and that is what we are all doing right now
so thank you for that at the end
Melissa and I will be answering some of your questions
thank you to the people who pre submitted questions
if you are new to the club
let me just quickly introduce myself
I am Casey Edwards so
I am the international best selling author of 10 books
I am most well known for my parenting books
Raising Girls Who like Themselves
and Bringing Up Boys who like themselves
which I wrote with my husband
Doctor Christopher Scanlan
and my latest book Goodbye Good Girl
hello me is what has inspired this club
it is a memoir my own personal journey
of how I identified the good girl beliefs that I learnt
when I was growing up
and I challenged the ones that weren't working for me
and created new beliefs to create a more empowered and joyful life
one woman who has inspired millions of women
and I mean that literally
millions of women to challenge their good girl beliefs
and live a more authentic and joyful
empowered life is the extraordinary Melissa Ambrosini
hello everybody
hi Melissa
thank you so much for joining us
especially since I imagine you are quite tired right now
hahaha I have an almost six month old
delicious little tiny human who is in the next room
so if you hear him that's what's going on over there
but um
I am so excited to be here
we're so pleased to have you
and let me just tell you about this extraordinary woman
so Melissa is a mindset master
she is the host of a top rating podcast called
The Melissa Ambrosini Show
and has had over wait for it
28 million downloads it's an extraordinary podcast
highly recommend it do yourself a favour and put it in your earbuds
um she has built a powerful online presence that inspires
millions of women to create lives and businesses that they truly love
and she's also the author of four life changing books
some of which we're gonna mention today
including Mastering Your Mean Girl and Time Magic
so Melissa I wanna start by talking about one of the most toxic
good girl beliefs that so many of us were raised with
and still really challenge with today
and it's the idea that I'm only good enough if I'm better than her
we are taught that we need to compare ourselves to other women
to determine if we're good enough
now Melissa
I have been following your work for a really long time
and you are an absolute master at supporting other women it
I see the way that you consistently
genuinely and open heartedly raise other women up
and celebrate the success of other women
and you have quite literally written the book on it
Melissa has written a book called comparisonitis
which I highly recommend so Melissa
I wanna start by asking you
what LED you to deliberately
and actively
reject the idea that you need to compare yourself to other women
to feel okay about yourself
I think it came from the feeling that I got
when I would compare myself to other women
it felt gross
it feels gross it feels like it makes me contract
I am not the best version of myself
and I it just felt gross
and I know everyone knows what I'm talking about
because when we compare ourselves to other people
it doesn't feel good so that was the start for me where I was like
I wanna unsubscribe from this because it doesn't feel good
and that was the the first catalyst
the second thing was when I had my daughter
I was thinking about if she started comparing herself to other people
how would that make me feel
like I would feel like I just would wanna pick her up and be like no
you are so amazing no
you're perfect you are whole
you are complete just as you are
please don't compare yourself
darling girl and then I'm like
why am I not doing that to myself
and I realized that for anyone who has children here
the best way that children learn is by watching
and so if I want to raise a daughter and a son
who do not compare themselves to others
I have to embody that myself
but it's really hard to do right
so'cause I I think back to all the lessons that we are taught
even from small children
particularly girls are taught that to compare ourselves to other girls
to derive our worth like it
and then when we get older
we've got TV shows and magazines and who wore it best
and then we're taught to compete over men
and so we're always competing and comparing
so how do we stop it I think awareness is the first step
you have to actually become aware of
that you're doing it and when you're doing it
and what are your triggers
so if we're just not if we're moving through life
and we're not even aware that we're doing it
then we can't change it so awareness is the first step
so know when you do it and what triggers you
so is it Instagram is it a certain person
and what is it about is it about the business
is it about their relationship
is it about their body
like what is it for you that forces you to compare
then you remove those mediums
this isn't about avoidance
you remove those mediums
until you can look at them and not feel that comparison
now it's also really powerful to go
am I feeling jealous or envy
I feel I feel like they're very different and
we can use the comparison to propel us forward
or it can allow us to stay stuck where we are
and that poor me why me
I don't have that they're better than me
I'm not good enough or we can go
I'm compare I'm aware that I'm comparing myself to her business
or her relationship or her body
why is that and what we see in others
we have within ourselves so that's a good thing
so what you're seeing in them
you
already have within you and maybe you just haven't fully activated it
maybe you haven't fully allowed it to express
or you haven't tapped into it
or you've denied it yourself
this is what you do okay
I'm gonna talk you through step by step
I want you to write down where you compare I compare on Instagram
I notice that I compare on Instagram and who am I comparing to
I'm comparing to this this and this person
because they look like they have dream relationships
or they travel the world and I'm I'm wanna
I wanna do that
so write it all down write it all down write it all down get it out
and then I want you to ask yourself the question
because you see what you see in them
you have within you where are you denying that within you
like where are you blocking that within yourself
and then you can remove some of those mediums until you've really
healed this within yourself
and then you can go back to those mediums and and see how you feel
but usually the comparison the jealousy and the envy
those things are there because you're denying them within yourself
or you haven't let them express within yourself
so awareness is absolutely the first step
yeah and which is true for all the good girl beliefs right
once you see it you can't unsee it and for me
I see choosing not to compare or choosing not
to compete as actually an act of rebellion
because I feel like
when we are all taught to compete against each other and compare
none of us are getting what we want right
it doesn't actually lead to a good outcome for anyone
so I personally my strategy is to
change that thought into one of curiosity and compassion
so when I see another woman and I make a judgment about her
and I'm feeling bad or even feeling superior
which is an the
the nasty side of the comparison right
if we're feeling bad about ourselves
we feel so we find someone who's doing worse than us
so we can feel a little bit better um
I turn it into curiosity and compassion
and it just creates more beauty and more peace in my life
one of the massive
side effects and penalties for comparing to other women
is friendships cause it's really hard to be friends with someone
if you're constantly benchmarking yourself against them
to determine your self worth
how has um
not comparing changed your friendships
I think you can look at your friends and be inspired
there's a difference between comparing and being inspired by
and I think we've got to flip it and say
I'm inspired by that person and
and whatever it is that they're doing um
that is how we're gonna transform it otherwise
you're gonna end up with no friends yeah
um and it's not fun
like you can feel it
like I've felt it when other people have compared themselves to me
and I've actually had people that have stopped being friends with me
because they've compared themselves to me
and then I've compared myself in the past to other people too
and the friendship it doesn't it it won't last
so use it as inspiration to propel you forward
and remember that the comparing in and judging
it's pushing away what you truly want
because there's also no end point to comparing
is it so I noticed that in one of your books
you wrote about how you had writer's block
because you were thinking that you couldn't write a good enough book
and then you got an email from someone who had writer's block
because they couldn't write a book
like you right
so it
it doesn't matter how far along we are in the pursuit of our goal
there's always gonna be someone who is doing it better than us right
absolutely there's always people ahead of you
there's always people behind you
and there's always people at the same sort of space as you yeah
like there's people in their chapter 20
you might be in your chapter 4 and there might be people in Chapter 1
it doesn't matter we're all on our own journey
so there is a sense that that we can have that we're we're behind
we feel behind in our lives of where we wanna be
and and the comment when we first started about
you know marriage and family and maybe it's career
and we've got all these boxes that we need to tick
and what would you say to women who feel like they've missed
to their deadline for happiness and success
there is no time limit only the one we put on ourselves
only the one our inner mean girl puts on us
so we have to just trust
that our journey is unfolding exactly the way that it is supposed to
I trust that so explicitly
even though I don't know why this is happening right now
yet I will in hindsight and I'll go ah
that's why this happened I have to trust that it's all
always happening exactly the way that it is supposed to
for my journey for my highest good
and I think it plays into one of the messages that
that women receive in in our society more than men right
that we have this peak of youth and beauty and worth
and then it's all downhill from there
we become invisible we become worthless
uh we disappear off our screens
which and now being a
you know a peri menopausal woman
it's like you know
I'm not prepared to go out to pasture
you know I'm not prepared to say that the best years are behind me
and I really feel like they're not as well
like each year can get better and better right
absolutely
like
yeah I think every year gets better and better
like where I'm at in my career as a mother
my friendships they get deeper and richer um
my experiences get better and
and richer and yeah
everything just keeps getting better and better
and that is a thought process that I have chosen to adopt
and you can adopt one that is like what you said
it's downhill from here or you can choose to adopt one that is
it just keeps getting better and better
yeah yeah
let's all choose to adopt that right now
that one of the greatest powers in the world is female wisdom
and as each year passes we get more of it
and therefore we have more resources to create the lives that we want
rather than falling for that myth and lie that
you know once we get a wrinkle on our face we're
we're starting to lose our value
yeah absolutely
before we continue
I want to tell you about something that might help you
on your own journey if today's conversation is resonating with you
you might want to check out my book
Goodbye Good Girl hello me
it's my personal story
of recognizing and challenging the beliefs that kept me
seeking everyone else's approval
instead of trusting myself
think of it as a roadmap to the person you were always meant to be
and if you're a parent grandparent
carer or teacher
who wants to protect your children from inheriting
these damaging beliefs I've also written
Raising Girls Who Like Themselves
and Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves
both best sellers
that show you how to raise kids who value themselves
from the inside out
you can find all these books at Casey Edwards dot com
and if you use the code podcast at checkout
you'll get $10 off your order
absolutely everything
we hope and dream for ourselves and for our children in our lives
become easier when we like ourselves
now back to our conversation
so Melissa
often when we talk about pursuing dreams
or putting yourself first on your to do list
I hear from a lot of people that they struggle with feeling selfish
and guilty when they do that
and it is a good girl belief
that we've got to put everyone else's needs before our own
what would you say to women who are struggling with feeling guilty
for prioritizing themselves
for so long
I had said you've got to fill yourself up to give from the overflow
to give to other people you fill yourself up
put yourself first fill yourself up
and there is an element of that that is true
however as a mother of two young kids
there are so many days where I don't fill myself up and I still give
I am you know
I am giving constantly to these two little tiny humans
and because I want to
that doesn't mean that I don't have the intention of filling myself up
I absolutely do
but it looks different right now for this season of my life
so there's a difference
there's a difference from what I'm talking about with people pleasing
putting everyone else first
sacrificing your own health and happiness
you know that's what I watched my mother do
and there is a that that is different to what I'm talking about
I'm talking about
as a mother of two little kids and multiple businesses
there's days where I don't and I still give
but I'm like I know that in my next opportunity
I am filling myself up what if when
when husband
can you take so I can go for a walk
so I'm like trying to be creative and strategic about it
so I'm not doing that every single day
but there's a difference to what I'm talking about
so it is so important that we fill ourselves up
yes every day if we can
yeah throughout the whole day
if we can that looks different for everyone that may mean just
taking a couple of deep breaths
that may mean sipping your tea in the sun
that may mean a meditation
a walk a yoga class
whatever it is for you
it doesn't actually matter
it's the feeling that you get from that activity
that is the most important thing
and it could be one minute
it could be one hour
but everyone needs to fill themselves up every single day
and I know as a working mother of two little kids
that it looks different for this season of my life
and I am just I call it microdosing self care
so I will just like microdose my self care whenever I can oh
I've I've got five minutes
I'm gonna breathe I'm gonna meditate
you know so it's really important that we um
don't fall into that trap of putting everyone else first
at the detriment of our own health and happiness
and understanding the season of life you're in
yeah and would you say part of that is looking after ourselves
because we deserve it rather than looking after ourselves
we're better equipped to serve other people more
yeah we just right
we we did both
both like but yes yes
we deserve it 1,000% yes
you deserve it we all do um
filling ourselves up doing things that we love like yes
we deserve it do you feel guilty when you prioritize
never
no not anymore
I do not no
because I'm a better mother
uh huh I'm a way better mother I'm a way nicer wife
the other thing is is no one's gonna do it for us
are they like we have to do it ourselves
otherwise we live like you said
you saw your mother and I saw my mother like give give give give
give give
give and then there isn't any payoff right
you you have to make that choice for yourself
yes absolutely
so I wanna move on to money now
and you famously say in your podcast that wealth is not a dirty word
and I love that because one of the good girl beliefs that are
is so damaging and I am seeing it now with a
a lot of my friends who are older
whose marriages are starting to break down
um if we don't have money
we don't have choices and we don't have power right
but yet the good girl belief about money is that it is greedy
it's unladylike
and even it's unspiritual to care about wealth and money
could you please shatter that for all of us
that myth
well I mean
that belief isn't gonna pay your mortgage or your rent
that belief is not gonna buy your food
that belief is not going to put petrol in your car
and send your children to the school that you want to send them to
so I used to have very unhealthy beliefs and a relationship with money
and I realized that it wasn't actually serving me
and um
it took me hitting rock bottom in 2010
to realize that all my beliefs around money were actually my dad's
and I was like hang on a minute
what do I actually believe
and you can use it for good and you can use it for not so good
and I believe we vote with our dollar
and we get to choose where we spend our money
and what causes we want to give to and support
like every time we hand over money
we are saying that we believe in that company
that thing their beliefs
their ethos so it's really important where we choose to put our money
we need it to live in this society
there's this myth that women are not good at managing it
but when you look at the research
women who invest are much better investors than men right
like we can do it
and those lessons start from childhood of girls aren't good at maths
right and then
we get this romantic notion
that it's somehow romantic
to hand over all the control of our money to the love of our life
which is a really risky strategy
because as I said if you don't have money
you don't have choices
and it's really hard to live life on your own terms
if you're not actively able to make choices about it
you have written about this idea that women
feel like they need to be chosen by a man to have value
what what would you say about that belief
I yeah it's so
unhealthy that belief is very unhealthy
we
like I look at relationships as two whole people
coming together to share their wholeness
it's not I'm empty you're empty
let's fill each other's voids
it's I'm already whole and complete
you're already whole and complete
let's come together and let's amplify this journey so
really if that belief is something that you have
then we need to work on that
and where did that come from
ask yourself like with all of these beliefs
where did they come from cause you weren't born with them
like my son doesn't have these beliefs
yeah he doesn't have them
he is a clean slate so where did they come from
okay my dad
my grandma my aunt doesn't even matter
but what matters is you identify that that's not yours
yeah and you get to choose what you put in place of that
so you can delete that one
and you get to put what you want in place of that belief
yeah and I think the consequence of that
certainly when I was growing up
was that you need to be chosen by a man or you need to have a man
so you just take the best one that will pick you right
and it forces all of us to lower our standards
like maybe the best one is worthy of you
but maybe they're not
but this whole idea that you need one means that we have to sacrifice
sometimes too much of ourselves right
yes no
don't sacrifice anything of yourself
if you could go back and whisper something into your
20 year old self's ear what would it be
a mindset one would be you are worth
don't compare yourself to anyone else
you are worthy you are whole
you are complete you are perfect
just as you are
do not compare yourself to anybody else
yes stay on your own path and stay true to yourself
it would be so nice to
to shortcut the years that it took to get to that point right
and I
I want to point out that these realizations for you didn't come easy
did they no
definitely not no
I have I have been
I've had my own my own uh
series of rock bottoms I ended up in hospital
it went in 2,010 I've had many um
rock bottom experiences um
not many sorry
I've had two really significant ones
um so no it
it didn't I wasn't yeah
it didn't it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies
yup yup
now which shows that you can change right
you you weren't born with all of this wisdom
that helps you live the life that you
that you now live like
you actually you created those beliefs
and put into practice
the habits that actually serve the life that you wanna live right
yeah so
we're born into this world like clean slates
like my son is a clean slate
he is unconditional love pure consciousness
and then things happen situations happen
and it shapes who we are and we
we download these beliefs that happened to me
therefore this belief is true
and then we get to a point maybe
maybe not
where you get to a point where you hit rock bottom and you go
hang on a minute this can't be how life is meant to be
things need to change and then that's when I changed
and that's what happens to most people
and it might happen in your 20s
your 30s your 40s
your 50s whenever
but usually there is a light bulb moment where you
where most people go
this is not fun and surely there's another way to live and uh
maybe they have that realization through a rock bottom moment
or on a yoga mat um
but my wish is that everyone has that remembering yeah yeah
um this isn't a question
I just wanna share with someone
with everyone here something that I got from your book time magic
and I wanna share this in case you have a child in your life
your child your grandchild niece
nephew
neighbour who is struggling with school because when I in Time Magic
Melissa breaks down the percentage of our lives that we spend
doing certain things and when I read about school
I was so astounded and also quite emotional
because I wished I had known this when I was at school
the percentage of our lives that we spend at school
is 2% of our whole lives
so if you have know a child who is maybe struggling academically
struggling socially maybe the school just doesn't vibe with them
please let them know that it's 2% of their lives
and there is a whole world of opportunities and choices
just waiting for them out there
cause I wish there were times when I was at school
when school just felt so big and endless
and I wished I had that perspective
so I just want to share that
in case there's someone in your life who needs to know that
so thank you
Melissa for putting some perspective on that period of our life
but also highly recommend Time Magic
it is such a wake up call to how precious time is and
and how we spend it and that we
you can only spend it once
so we should spend it wisely
yeah absolutely
alright we don't have much time left
so let's face through this question these questions
the first one is a cracker Melissa
how do you tell the difference between your intuition
and your mean girl voice hmm
such a good question and I get this question a lot
so your inner mean girl which comes from up here
that will usually speak to you in words like you're not good enough
you're not smart enough you're not pretty enough
you're not skinny enough it's quite loud
yeah everyone knows what I'm talking about
your intuition it whispers
it lives in your guts and it doesn't necessarily sound
it's not as loud so you have to get quiet
you have to go within you have to listen even more intensely to it
and sometimes it doesn't even speak
it just guides you so that's the difference
one is very loud in your head
and the other is softer whisper and lives in your gut right
and so it's a journey in learning to trust ourselves right
isn't it trust
trust the whisper um
how do you decide when is the right time to take a financial risk
you probably get this a lot
stop your 9 to 5 and follow your dreams of your own business
well this is
this is what I teach women how to do is how to
launch their dream business
and have the income and impact that they want
or scale their already existing business so
how do you know if it's the right time
you gotta listen to your intuition
it will tell you but when we're doing something that we love
that is prime time for our inner mean girl to be even louder
you cannot do this who do you think you are
no one is going to pay you
those sorts of things she'll say
so you have to listen to your intuition
is now the time for me to leap
I know that that quote leap and the net will appear
I love that quote
uh
is so true however
you have to go within and listen to your intuition
is it the time for you the alternative is
is you build the side business
until it takes over from the current job
and then you jump over you can also do that
yeah um
or you just leave and you go all in on the other one
and then there's no backup option
you just gotta go gung ho
so you know for you
you know what's best for you
and if I can just um
join those two questions that we just had about it
so about the inner mean girl and about
you know
whether it be take starting your own business or just doing something
pursuing a dream one of the things that our inner mean girl says to us
the
the a good girl belief is that we shouldn't get too big for our boots
we shouldn't want attention
we shame ourselves how do you deal with that
those feelings
again you just come back to they are not the truth
they are your inner mean girl and they are not the truth
and we've picked that up from some story along the way
maybe someone said it to us
I think it's also really important and I said this before
to identify where that story came from
maybe something happened to you when you were 6
or maybe someone said something to you
because then when you are aware of where it came from
you can then choose is this something that I want to carry forth
and if the answer is yes okay
you can keep carrying that belief or you can go actually no
I don't want that belief anymore
I wanna adopt a new and inspiring belief
so in my book I
I write about it as um
cutting the string of pills
and this was taught to me by my mentor
Caroline Cameron who is coming on by Good Girl Club
and she talks about flying back over your timeline and working out
like you said where did that belief come from
what is the first pearl that
that came on to your necklace that created that belief
and then what happens is once we put one pearl on there
we look as we grow up
for all the other examples to confirm that belief to be true
and then we don't even see it anymore
it's like a fish swimming in water
it's just the way things are
and circling back to what you said about awareness Melissa
we've got to be aware about the pearl necklace around our necks
and the beliefs that we hold um
so we can cut them and and create new beliefs
and an important part of creating those new beliefs is actually
actively choosing what you wanna replace the old belief with
yes absolutely
about money is um yeah
you it's not enough to say
I don't wanna believe I don't deserve money
or I don't wanna just believe money's dirty
you have to replace it with a new belief
yes absolutely
and so one and
a question I've got here
is about someone who constantly feels like they're never enough
that belief that you're enough
what's the belief to replace that with well firstly
I want them to go back and uh
identify where that first started and all their pearls um
I want them to do that
because then they can see that it's not the truth
and then you replace it with I am worthy
I am worthy I am worthy I am worthy
you need to say it 100 times a day
all throughout the day until you feel it
it's repetition I am worthy
you do it whilst you're driving
do it in your head do it out loud
do it while you're standing at the post office in your mind
I am worthy I am worthy
I am worthy
I am worthy you keep repeating it until that is louder than the other
it's really power in just deciding something isn't there
like for me it was like I don't need someone to give me permission
I don't need some external validation
I'm just gonna decide it and that's what I did with my body image
I'm just gonna decide that I'm not gonna hate my body anymore yeah
absolutely absolutely
yeah you and the decision has to come from you
you'll get to a point where you're like
I am done I am tired
I am exhausted from this story
it's exhausting so I'm gonna choose a more inspiring one
I love this question here
it's keeping it real for both of us Melissa
um have either of you ever backslid
into old people pleasing habits and what help you
helped you get back on track
I'm just trying to remember
like I said I used to be a chronic people pleaser
that's what I watched my mother put everyone else before herself
at the detriment of her own health and happiness
and I got to a point in my life where I was like
I am done I am not doing this anymore
and that was when I hit rock bottom in 2010
and I can't think of any examples where I've
I'm sure there's been moments where I may have like put
you know a friend's needs above mine
but not significant moments because I used to do it so chronically
yep
it felt gross that I was like
I'm not doing this anymore
um so I don't have any specific examples
wow I'm not black and white as you
I I do
I do stumble often and for me
it comes down to a feeling
so when I'm doing something for someone else
the right amount for the right reasons
it feels good
when I'm doing the wrong amount for the wrong reasons
I feel resentful and the way I get myself back on track is to say
that's on me yes
I trampled on my own boundary
I chose to do that I can choose not to do that absolutely
but yeah that I have to have that session with myself often actually
um'cause I I guess that belief is so deep within me and
and underlying all of that belief again is
about what other people think
like part of it is service
that we're taught that we have to give and give and give
but the other part is I'm
I can't be good enough if other people don't think I'm kind
or generous or
or whatever so you have to deal with that in
in your day to day life being in the public eye and facing criticism
do you have to deal with negative comments
what other people think about you
I think um
yes I'm sure there's lots
but I don't really see it okay
I'm you know
I choose yeah
I occasionally will get something and
it's just like water off a duck's back because I know the truth
mm hmm I know my intention
I know where my heart is I know
I know my intention was pure
and that's a good indication
like if you if someone give some
someone says something to you and you're really activated
you're really triggered maybe there's a little bit of truth in it
yep
you know and we can take a lesson from that
but if the if you feel neutral and you're like
you know nothing
then that's maybe their stuff or their journey
yeah and we can just
you know the thing is to remember is as well
not everyone is going to like you yes
not everyone is going to like you to love you
lots of people won't like you
lots of people will have an opinion
but that's life and we can't focus on that well
you can but it's really exhausting and boring
so where do you choose to focus
you focus on the the people that are showing up yeah
don't focus on the haters
yeah cause the reality is even if you try to make everyone like you
they won't right
you it's something so liberating in realizing that
you can't control how other people feel about you right
100% there will always be like
you think about the most saintly people in the world
they still have people that crucified them yeah
you know
so don't focus on that
it's a waste of your time your precious time and energy
and I like that looking into yourself
so did you act from a place of your own good values
and if you did and if you did do the right thing
then what other people think it is their stuff right
absolutely it's not ours
absolute
and we just send them love and compassion and that's all we can do
yeah how do you deal with people in your life
who benefit from your good girl conditioning
and resist when you start setting boundaries
if that person is not supportive of you then
that is a relationship that I would really reconsider
spending energy on yep
you know yeah
I feel like that too having a good life
it's not just about who's in your life
it can also be about who's not in your life right
yeah and this isn't about dumping people
this isn't about being mean
like I think of like energy
and if we're putting energy into a relationship that is
you know doing all those things
it's time to move that energy over to this relationship
you know
give more over here where it is flowing and it is supportive and it is
you know two ways yeah
but I think it's it's such a hard thing to do right
so to cause
part of being a good girl is being taught that other people
approving of you essential to your identity right
and then once you become authentic
and those people may not approve of you anymore
so it's at the very core of our being
it is this conflict that we need to have
so none of this is easy is it
if it was rainbows and butterflies all the time
everyone would do it all the time
you know everyone would do it
but it's it's work
and that's what we're here for
we're here to evolve we're here to grow
we're here to remember the light of who we are
we're here to remember love the truth of who we are
and yeah that's the whole purpose of being in this earth suit
yeah and we get one shot at it
and as you write in time magic
time is precious
yeah absolutely
time is so precious
and if someone is going to put you down for something
that is true for you then I would just maybe yeah
be mindful of where the energy is going
yeah and find the
the people who love and value you for your authentic self
right rather than for the services that you provide
yeah and I think as well
like you don't need 50 friends yeah
you know like you don't need
that many just really good quality
really good quality um
that that yeah
you just need really good quality ones
yes and um
to prioritize and invest in those friendships yeah
yeah yeah
and then also be honest when like
you feel someone is leaning out of the friendship
like it's very easy to go well why
why are they doing that have I done something wrong
I also am such a big believer in
you know people coming in and out of your life for reasons
for seasons for
you know that
that saying for reasons seasons and lifetimes
like
people are coming in and out and we can't get attached and hold on
we just have to go okay
well that season is over and what's next yes
which is a lovely way to end our
our goodbye good girl club
um Melissa
thank you so much for giving us your time and your wisdom
I encourage everyone to check out Melissa's website
check out her podcast and her books
it's like having a warm bath and a cuddle
Melissa's books um
and I hope that everyone here today will
spend the rest of their day with a spring in their step and um
fire in their belly thank you everybody
so thank you so much and Q
I can hear my little boy um
he is ready to go down for his sleep
so um
thank you for having me and I wanted to say as well
everyone go listen to Casey on my podcast
that was such an amazing episode
so go and listen to that as well
and thank you for having me
thank you for joining the Goodbye Good Girl Club today
if this episode resonated with you
I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review
wherever you listen to podcasts
your words help other women find this community
women who just like you
deserve so much more than they've been settling for
and please share this podcast with the women in your life
who need to hear these conversations
send it to your sister your mom
your best friend your colleague
anyone who's been putting everyone else first for far too long
if you want a roadmap to saying goodbye to your own good girl
you can grab a copy of my book Goodbye Good Girl
hello me at Casey Edwards dot com
use the code podcast for $10 off this book or my parenting books
raising girls who like themselves
and bringing up boys who like themselves
until next time you don't need to earn your worth
you just have to remember it
this is the goodbye good girl club
I'm Casey Edwards thank you for being here

Rewriting the Rules on Worth and Money with Melissa Ambrosini

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